What a week!

Monday, October 25- My older sister, Karly, and I decided to cart our children to Samson's funeral. I started preparations to pack and head out.

Tuesday, October 26- We find out my little sister, Destiny, is joining us in the 7 passenger minivan we borrowed for our journey to Colorado. I was happy about it because that would make the drive easier. I am NOT accustomed to driving in the captain's chair for hours on end. My sisters arrived at 6:45pm to pick Dylan and me up. By 7:00pm we were on the road. We spent the next 19 hours/1,140 miles in the car stopping for food, gas, potty breaks and to feed/change Dylan.

Dylan, Me, Destiny, Alexis, Tyrus and Carsten on a very cold windy day on the Nebraska/Colorado boarder.

My older cousin, Sean, and me at the park.

Wednesday, October 27- The natives are restless in the car. We finally arrive at around 2pm mountain time. After hugs all around, we unpack the car. I was a little nervous about how Ronen, Samson's older brother, would do with Dylan. I turns out I had nothing to worry about. They played well together. I feed Dylan around my cousin's nap time. My dad arrives to make dinner. My Aunt Kendra and Uncle Eric arrive to pick up Ronen. They sit and visit while choosing font and wording for Samson's funeral programs. There were no tears. If it'd been me, I would've said I don't care. Choose whatever you want just make it uniform. They leave. We eat. Our good friend comes to visit. Halleujah, it's bed time.

Our little crew at the park with the mountains in the background

Thursday, October 28- We wake up to delicious breakfast by mom. My cousin, Erica, dropped by for a breakfast visit. My mom had suggested to the out-of-town cousins that we meet at the park to let the seconds (cousins that is) play. We left the park after a couple hours to go eat lunch and run errands. We headed to our old neighborhood we grew up in. It was fun to see our old house and high school. I got to eat at my favorite bagel and smoothie shop. We headed home after lunch to get ready for the funeral service. I haven't quite fully processed the how I feel about that night.

Samson's casket while Brother Billy E. Hale spoke

It was great to see everyone who showed up. Our family met in this little side room while the sanctuary filled up with friends, church family, and well-wishers. We took pictures while we waited to be seated together. My 4 year old nephew, Carsten, walked up to me while we waited. He bluntly stated, "Auntie, Baby Samson died." Those words made my heart flip and my breathe stop for a minute. The room was emotionally charged with love, faith, and overwhelming sadness. There was no doubt that prayers were being felt by the thousand intercessors around the world. The presence of the Saviour was with us. Each hug, each subdued smile from those of us who'd traveled from all over to be there were a showing of a continued life of one who could no longer breathe. The service was quiet. I think it is the quietest I've ever been to. My Uncle Brad read letters from Kendra and Eric. My Auntie's good friend sang and had written a special song for the occasion:

Samson's Song:

Then the Angels Came 

(Nancy Grandquist)

Counting the hours of every single precious day

Thankful for the little one God had sent our way

So we kissed, cuddled, and held you close

We didn't know what tomorrow might hold

Then the angels came

Sweeping down from the sky

Then the angels came

to hold our little baby tight

then they took him off to heaven

Where there will be no tears to cry

Where we'll never, ever say goodbye

We wanted you to stay

We had some plans we'd made

And your brother did too

So we trusted and believed

Even though we could not see

We knew that God would choose to do

the very best for you

'Cause He knows what's best for you

My Aunt, Uncle and cousin's pastor got up a talked for a bit. They played a picture slideshow of his 111 days of life. I started to cry. Dylan just looked up at me with trust and love in his sleepy eyes. He smiled at me. How could I cry then? 

They had a formal receiving line to greet my Auntie Kendra, Uncle Eric, Grandma Gordon, and Grandpa Gordon. It was like the walk of faces from my childhood. 

Arriving at the cemetary

Here lays Samson

111 ballons

Friday, October 29- We barried Samson. We let off 111 balloons to the slowly fading strains of Amazing Grace on a lone bagpiper's pipes as he strolled away. Prayers were prayed and Samson rests peacefully.

We met later at my grandparents house for food and fellowship. We laughed a lot. My sisters, my nephews, niece, Dylan and me left from there to return home. Now real life begins minus one.

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Sunday, October 31- Here I sit on Halloween with a incredible baby boy, a lump of grief in my throat and a touch of survivor's guilt. My aunt took just one out tonight to trick-or-treat. I still don't understand God's plan in all of this. We dressed Dylan up in a little costume and took him to a few houses. The only dressing up we could do for my cousin is put flowers out or a blanket on the cold ground. God this hurts.