Thursday, November 29, 2012

Are you dancing with joy?

At church right now, we are being challenged to deal with some hard issues. The pastor started teaching a series on "vampires: loving the people who suck the life out of you". The premise has been about God's desire for us to have an abundant life because that is why he came. The series so far has dealt with forgiving those who have "sucked the life out of you" through not being as loving as we feel they should be or uncontrolled anger. It has dealt with taking the habanero out of my honey. (The words I thought were sweet but burned the hearer.)

What to do?

"Perhaps the hardest part of being released from prison is knowing what to do with your freedom." 

I totally agree with this statement. I spent the last 29 years of my life being told how to view the world, the people in it, and what I couldn't do to show those around me Christ. I'm having to re-learn how to relate to those I encounter- my husband, my son, my fundamentalist family, my co-workers, and my fellow church attenders. People don't think like I was was raised to think. It feels like everything that wasn't permissible before is permissible now. How do you take freedom with moderation? I feel as if I take anything from my pre-grace life, I'll be wearing a neon-lettered sign stating where I've been.

I am finding fear and grace don't mix well. I've been afraid for so long. It has become a habit for me. How to I learn to trust, instead of being afraid of being hurt again? How do I relate to this awesomely terrifying God who wants the best for me but would condemn me for unrepentant sin?