Monday, December 27, 2010

Missing Identity

Have you ever felt like you were missing in action or on auto pilot? I've tried to follow the advice of an old friend who told me a few years ago, " Dana, the best thing you can do for yourself is to always be present in the right now. Just be present."  I've thought about that statement often. How do I bring ALL of myself into this moment in time?

It is a challenge. Being present means being honest with yourself always, however you may not always be okay with you 100% of the time. I'll admit while I've done an just below apt job at following this advice. I still feel rather out of place. I'm never 100% comfortable. I feel like a visitor to my life most of the time.

Its like I keep searching for the one place I can truly call home. I'm not sure if the totally-present-in-the-here-and-now feeling comes with being contented in your own skin or if you find it else where. I have certainly had my centered moments. They stand up tall to be noticed amongst the other happenings over my life. I look to those moments like old sailors looked to the North Star or the pioneers looked at Chimney Rock.

Chimney Rock from National Geographic
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Those are the moments when I dived in head first, I took a risk, or I tried something new. I know I will have my off days in the future, but I'm ready to find my at home feeling. I'd like to be completely relaxed. Being at peace when my world isn't. Hopefully I'll get to that place soon.

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