I'm sitting here alone in my living room of my apartment. The lights are off and the glow from the computer screen is illuminating the dark places. The blinds are softly clicking together as the air from the humming fans hit them. The night is cool and inviting me to join it.
It's nights like this when I am transported back in time to the summer when I was 17. My parents were separated and change was all around me. We never had a specific time in my parents house when the lights went out, so I'd often be the last one asleep.
After my dad moved out, I often sneak out of the house. I'd sprint up to the park on a cool crisp night like tonight. It was as if I was running for my life. I was chasing away the helplessness that comes with change beyond our control. I'd go swing back and forth staring at how my toes would touch the stars. I'd stay in the park with the street light glowing until my skin was cold to the touch. I rarely wanted to leave the freedom I had there in those moments. I had chased the nagging thoughts away. I could make it one more night. I could do one more day. The goals I'd set for myself were attainable there. I'd walk back to my house and quietly return to my room. I'd sink into my warm water bed drifting into dreamlessness.
I am no longer 17. I find change to be inviable- negative and/or positive. I would not need to sneak out any longer. I have more responsibilities than I ever had before. At times I miss the girl I was, but not her problems. And still the night beckons...