Changes

Some of the longest walks you will ever take are the ones in which you know change is on the other end. I've taken several of these in my 29 years: the walk to the alter to declare my faith, the walk into school my Senior year knowing my parents would most likely never sleep in the same room again, the walk at graduation, the walk to tell my mom I was moving to Michigan, the walk down the aisle toward my soon-to-be husband, the walk I took once the pregnancy test was positive, and the one when I climbed in the car with my newborn son. These and a few more I don't care to share were pivotal moments in my life.

Two Sundays ago, I made the journey into my pastor's office. I knew he wouldn't like what I had to say. I've attend this church for the past eight years. I've come to a crossroads. Do I put my big girl unders on and walk away from hurt, frustration, and change? Or do I stay and turn a blind eye to the things that didn't want to stop staring me in the face? I walked into his office resolved to make changes. After a few words, tears and apologies had been made, I walked out broken not wanting to talk to anyone.

Fast forward to Mother's day. I spent the day with my family feeling relieved not having to answer to anyone but God. It was a freeing to know I'm loved by my husband and son. I worked outside pulling out the weeds (both literal and emotional) and singing old hymns. I put mulch down to protect the good ground and felt good. I have a sick rose bush. I will nurse it back to health, as I work on my self. By being nature, I can see life in action through the words of the Savior from Matthew 13:

“A farmer went out to sow seed. ⁴ While he was scattering the seed, some of it fell by the road. The birds came and ate all that seed. ⁵ Other seed fell on rocky ground, where there was not enough dirt. It grew very fast there, because the soil was not deep. ⁶ But when the sun rose, it burned the plants. The plants died because they did not have deep roots. ⁷ Some other seed fell among thorny weeds. The weeds grew and stopped the good plants from growing. ⁸ But some of the seed fell on good ground. There it grew and made grain. Some plants made 100 times more grain, some 60 times more, and some 30 times more. ⁹ You people who hear me, listen!” 

I don't know what the future holds. I am just fine with that. One thing is for sure, life is way to short for you to allow people to treat you poorly no matter where that is. I make no promises to where my next church home will be, until then I will attend a home missions church here in town. I will talk to anyone I like about this situation because we are all sinners. Nobody is perfect. If God can use a donkey, I can hear him speak through anyone who makes themselves a vessel.