Don't feel clever right now.

I haven't written in some time. Don't shoot me. We finally moved into our new house a week before Christmas. The place is nice. We are settled and attempting to agree on decor. My spouse enjoys neutrals- browns, tans, grays, and whites. I enjoy bold and classy colors- yellows, teals, greens, blues. He wants things to match. I like accent walls. He likes leather and/or fluffy. I like clean lines, modern, in like microfiber. He doesn't care about woods matching. I like darker stains in wood. The one thing we agree on is no loose pillows to lean against on our furniture. Right now the walls are white. We shall see how long I last staring at them...

I am in the process of becoming a licensed daycare provider from this home of ours. The process is super intense. There are doctors, radon specialists, CPR/first aid/bloodbourne pathogen classes, safety inspectors and fees for this/that. I have to come up with emergency escape plans, meal plans, and activity plans. I need proper nap spaces. Those are just a few of the steps. Once I am approved, I'll need to find kids...

I am looking forward to getting away for a long weekend in Vegas at the beginning of March. My mental health could use it. Turning over a new leaf has been catching up with me. I am attempting to trust in places I doubt. I find the Scriptures disturbing with all the talk about murder, homicides and favoring of some people, or groups of people, over others. I am angry because I don't want to believe in the creator anymore, but I find comfort in some of the promises. The people who tell me to just pray about it and let God lead me are so seemingly sure about walking in/with faith. I am just trying to find what my new me looks like, while I am walking backwards upside down on shifting sand. I am attempting to be level headed and faithful for my son that is watching me. Ugh. So. Exhausting.

Had Dylan checked the other day for speech delays. We had suspected a slight delay because we can't understand him when he strings words together. They confirmed our suspicions. I was disappointed. I love the kid with my all. He'll be 3 in May. I grew up going to school in all the classes with ADHD kids, so I could receive extra tutoring for my own learning challenges. I had hoped Dylan wouldn't have to face that. My son has tons of untapped potential still but is flawed. I don't love him any less for it. They are going to start working with him now to get him ready for school. I am seriously hoping this will be enough, so when school arrives he doesn't have to be put in similar classes like mine.