?

If you read my last blog post, you may be able to tell I'm rather hurt and angry at my current church situation. One minute I'm spitting bullets trying to fix the world. The next minute I am feeling guilty for not being the bigger person in private. The most overwhelming feeling I have is a numb dull ache toward all things God. I hear scripture or someone talk about the goodness of the Lord. I mentally go to to the door of my heart, shut the door, and lock up tight. Hurting sucks. I want to be free again, but only in a spiritually hospital. They can help bandage me up, give me the proper meds, and let me be on my way again. There are moments these days when the door is ajar. I attempt to let a little peace squeeze through to my heart.

As a Deer pants after water, so my soul longs after you.

This brought tears to my eyes tonight:

Trust His Heart
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just can't see him,
Remember He's still on the throne

Chorus:

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
Don't live as those who have no hope,
While our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
But he sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him

(Chorus)

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you

(Chorus)

When you can't trace his hand
When you don't see his plan
When you don't understand
Trust His Heart

Tiny Chairs and Aesop's Fables

Dylan at Cracker Barrel in June of 2011 sitting in a kid's rocking chair.

I was picking up my son's room this morning. I found a book of Aesop's fables I was given back in grade school sometime. I sat down on the edge of this kid's sized green rocking chair. I was taking back to the smell of my old classroom- recycled air, books and chalk. My little self had even see the wisdom back then. I saw I had written in my childish scrolling "Yes" or "No" for each fable which stood out to me. Twenty some odd years have past, since that time. I've move several times picking away and unpacking the wisdom found in this little book's pages.

Today sitting in that tiny chair, I wanted to amen Aesop. Church attendance and attempting to live a Christian way of life have been a Cornerstone for my life. I find myself  feeling a bit stuck and tired these days with some of the things I see happening in church congregations across the board. We have forgotten what it is to be the hands and feet of Christ. We have forgotten the widows and orphans. It is too often we turn a blind eye to the pain surrounding us in the local and international communities. We take up offerings and tithes for buildings we can't afford. We talk about growth while forgetting about prayer, friendship, and fellowship. Families are left in the wake of ministry and good ideas. Our children are forgotten while we are so busy with stuff. Children ARE to be the focus when they come into our lives. They aren't to be a nuisance. I don't always see the people who preach practicing the things they speak about. It is incredibly frustrating.

I talk to myself in this too because I am guilty. I am the church. I need to be the change I want to see with a good attitude. I get this. Attitude affects perception. While I am responsible for my actions, I'd like to see others be better too. I want to find the best in people. I'm been searching for a place to attend services in hopes I find things done better. While reading dear ol' Aesop, I came across this:

The Boy who Swam in the River

One warm spring day, a boy was walking along the bank of a river. The water looked so inviting he took his clothes off and dived in. The river current was very strong, and soon the boy was in danger of drowning. Just then a traveler came by. He saw the boy struggling and began to scold him for going swimming in the river so early in the season. 
"Oh, sir!" cried the boy, "pray help me now then scold me later. At a time like this, advice without action is useless."

I spoke to me strongly. I hoping for more from believers. I want believers who go back to the basics of Christianity. Lord, help me find it!