Are you dancing with joy?

At church right now, we are being challenged to deal with some hard issues. The pastor started teaching a series on "vampires: loving the people who suck the life out of you". The premise has been about God's desire for us to have an abundant life because that is why he came. The series so far has dealt with forgiving those who have "sucked the life out of you" through not being as loving as we feel they should be or uncontrolled anger. It has dealt with taking the habanero out of my honey. (The words I thought were sweet but burned the hearer.)

What to do?

"Perhaps the hardest part of being released from prison is knowing what to do with your freedom." 

-Rachel Held Evans

I totally agree with this statement. I spent the last 29 years of my life being told how to view the world, the people in it, and what I couldn't do to show those around me Christ. I'm having to re-learn how to relate to those I encounter- my husband, my son, my fundamentalist family, my co-workers, and my fellow church attenders. People don't think like I was was raised to think. It feels like everything that wasn't permissible before is permissible now. How do you take freedom with moderation? I feel as if I take anything from my pre-grace life, I'll be wearing a neon-lettered sign stating where I've been.

I am finding fear and grace don't mix well. I've been afraid for so long. It has become a habit for me. How to I learn to trust, instead of being afraid of being hurt again? How do I relate to this awesomely terrifying God who wants the best for me but would condemn me for unrepentant sin? 

Bryce Wilkins

Here's looking at you kid...

Half the congregation at his funeral...

As I sit here in front of my computer, some 1,100 miles away a funeral is happening. I don't understand why this had to happen. It seems so senseless. I've got questions and very few answers.  You see early last Saturday morning my cousin couldn't take the pressures of this life anymore. He decided it was time to breathe his last breath. I'm angry at myself for not knowing him better and for not reaching out to him. I'm angry at him for not calling (to my knowledge) anyone in the family. I may not have been as much apart of his life as I should have, but if had just called I would've opened my home to him no questions asked. That what family does. They help out when someone is in need.

Now I'm supposed to go put a date in our family ancestry records. I don't want to. Here is what I have to post in ancestry.com.

I never understood

I've heard the phrase, works based faith, for years. I have no idea what that phrase means. People claim you can't be saved by your works. I think that is hooey. The bible has countless examples of act done by individuals who went above and beyond, which made them whole. Ninety percent of the major or minor characters, I can think of who's story is told in the Good Book, did something to save someone or save themselves through faith.

• Moses plead with God for his chosen people. It changed God's mind and SAVED the children of Israel from destruction.
• Noah built an ark.
• Easter left her family to go be pampered and save her people.
• David killed Goliath, married the king's daughter, became bros with the Prince, ran for his life, worshipped a lot, etc.
• Abraham got down and dirty with his his good ol' girl.
• Samuel answered the call of God.
• Hannah dedicated her son to the Lord and gave him back for service to him.
• Prophets prophesied.
• Mary and Joseph obeyed.
• John ate bugs and honey. He preached.
• The fisherman left their nets.
• Good ol' Zach, the wee lil' man, climbed a tree, ate with a rabbi, and paid people back.
• That woman touched Jesus' hemmed robe.
• The sad daddy found Jesus for his daughter.
• The nice guy on the other side of Jesus being crucified opened his mouth.
• Jesus' friends wrote some words down, so we could know their friend.

These were all acts based on faith. Faith that salvation would come to those who believed it could happen for themselves and others. We are save through faith AND works. One without the other is like the ocean without salt. If you find it, you aren't at the ocean. Do work.

New Employment

I got a new job! I thrilled about it. I'll be working weekend evenings for a grocery store photo/media department. I've handed in my two weeks notice for my former job. I will be done there on the 21 of October! Can we say WOOT WOOT!?!?

Today I got a sitter for my son and my friend's son to go fill out new hire paperwork and hear about store policies, etc. There comes a time in the new hire paperwork I dread. Every. Single. Time. It's the part where they ask you three different ways what your racial background is. It really isn't any of their business as long as I come to work on time, do my best work, and leave customers as satisfied as possible. It bothers me to think there is someone somewhere could be tallying how many women/men are employed for their company and of what racial origin they descend from. I imagine someone sitting behind a desk in some cubicle saying we have x-number of Hispanic women and y-number of African American men. We have met our quota and shouldn't hire anyone else to throw off the balance.

Why is it that I can't just be American? Why do I have to be Caucasian or of something decent? I was born and raised on American soil. My ancestors have been born and raised here for a couple centuries. That would make me of American descent! I love it if you were born on foreign soil and moved here! Claim your heritage. Celebrate it! I won't discourage you from claiming you are Hispanic American or African American or Russian American, if that is the case. This is such a pet peeve of mine to have to not put on every survey for employment or other things AMERICAN! American is, has been and always will be a melting pot of cultures and beliefs. It has made us who we are. It is why I dig the thought of places like New York and Los Angeles! You have Chinatown sitting a few streets over from Little Italy. What is not to love about that? American has many problems, but it runs in my blood next to the oxygen. I'm not claiming that we are the greatest nation either. I just want my hertiage to be recognized. And dare I say it, celebrated!?!

Nobody told me...

This morning we woke up earlier than usual. I was checking my facebook. I found this blog from a website I discovered before Dylan was born. It was/is a place to talk to other parents about... well everything related to prenatal care, to caring for children, and relationships with your (for some in-)significant other. This morning's blog made me laugh and appreciate parenting. Here it is, if you are interested. These moms were dishing about the things nobody told them about raising a toddler. I think my favorite was about brand new carpet and a toddler getting into some paint...

Here is my list of things nobody told me about parenting (or perhaps I've been told only to forget):

Baby signing time characters

• My life would revolve around someone else's daily pillow time, bathing, bowels and belly.
• I would become a preschool teacher. (...and love it!)
• The flushing of the toilet could provide hours of entertainment if allowed.
• I could be nice at 2am, oh... 3am, oh my... 4am, oh-you-take-him-am.
• By encouraging bilinguality, dancing and music, I'd be listening to countless hours of Yo Gabba Gabba, Baby Signing time and other assortments of kids shows/music.
• I'd wake up in the middle of the night with the music from the above shows playing on repeat in my head.

Yo Gabba Gabba Characters

• I'd come to love half-words/sentences like og (dog), ca (car), ish-is (fishes), ake-up (wake-up), dat ca top (that car stopped), I do ood (I do good) and cho-cho.
• Brushing teeth is a fun activity.
• I would watch things on TV and relate it all to my child's future or present. I have a hard time watching the news, movies about soldiers/criminals, etc.
• Holidays are more fun with a child/ern.
• Every scribble with a crayon is a brilliant work of art.
• Sidewalk chalk is easier to get off walls than acrylic paint.
• Hair brushes make great spoons for stirring toilet water.
• Toilet paper floats in the sink.
• My son would be better with technology (phones, tablets, Iphones, cameras, dishwashers, etc.) than me who grew up with computers.
• I would become a Jungle gym to climb up, on, or over whenever I moved.
• Hearing music with babbled words would be just as sweet of the sound of laughter and restful breathing.
• I would go to the store or gas station or pretty much anywhere without my sweet kiddo and feel like I was on vacation.

Some cute kid with a dog.

• Everything from eating, cooking, cleaning, getting coats on, to putting my own socks on would take about 15-30 minutes longer.
• Dogs would be cause for giggles and be one of the most interesting topics ever.
• I would argue with my son over who gets to vacuum, sweep, and use the steam mop.
• I would feel truly helpless when my son is sick and even more so when I am sick.
• I would have a kid who loves tomatoes and onions, but wouldn't like most red meat, eggs or cheese.
• Apparently texture in food is everything!
• I'm an engineer-rocket-scientist-president-astrologist-billionaire-driver-maid to my kid. Who knew?

This is just a few out of many things, but I'm sure you get the idea. Have a good day!

What to write?

I've been wanting to write something on here for a couple days. I've been doing a lot of in depth reading on different scriptures. I'd considered writing about them, but not every tool in the tool box will create the result you desire. A hammer is best used for pounding nails into wood. You get the idea.

I've been toying with the idea of studying what the word glory means. I've heard the word a billion times or more. We fling the word around. Do we truly know what it means?

The house is going up fast. Andy's job is going well. MOPS starts again tomorrow after a summer hiatus. Thanks to some friends, Dylan and I get to go. Church is great. Trying to get my daycare licensing requirements list squared away. I want as much as I can finished before our house is done, so that can be up and running as soon as we are settled. Blah Blah Blah....

Tangled- Best Day ever (HD Test)

I feel like this right now!

Urgency

Last night before I went to sleep, I prayed for God to show me what was necessary to get to Him. I prayed for him to show me how to get rid of the un-necessary things. I prayed for fear to be alleviated. I feel this urgency to figure things out. I've been worried about my extended family's words and reactions to my decisions. I've also been trying to create income from thin air.

I don't know how much stock I put in dreams. I don't usually remember mine. I was surprised when I woke this morning to find I knew what I dreamed. It may or may not be significant. I decided to write it down anyway.

There was a woman in my dream. I h ave no idea of she was tall or short blonde or brunette. She was young-ish. She was quite pregnant, like last trimester pregnant. (By the way, I am not.) There was no sense of urgency in her movements. She was walking down a long  paved road. You know like the ones in the desert. She didn't seem worried about anything. She was just strolling along. I remember a few other figures appearing along this lady's walk, but they vanished like a vapor. Their words were dust in the wind. I then woke up.

Seven years and Carpe Diem

September 3rd, 2005

 From back then until now, I've never stopped loving you. We've seen difficult times as our love was tested. Those time have made the good times even sweeter. I wouldn't trade you ever. From now until now is then,

 "I promise to give you the best of myself

and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person

and to realize that your interests, desires and needs

are no less important than my own. 

I promise to share with you my time and my attention

and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you, 

to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost

fears and feelings, secrets and dreams. 

I promise to grow along with you,

to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship

alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and bad,

with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how.

Completely and forever." -Dorothy R. Colgan

October 2011