I resolve...

I received this in my email today. While I don't get the greatest grades (I do try), I can say I get this concept.

My New Year’s Resolution

By Heidi Rogers, mom of two

I am what most people would classify as a perfectionist. Type A. A goody-goody. You know, good grades, hard worker, natural-born leader…all that jazz. When it comes to life, I’ve done things “right.” I set my goals and I accomplish them.
But when it comes to mothering, all that flies out the window. I want to be patient during tantrums in the middle of aisle 12 and during colic at 3 a.m., but I find myself feeling guilty for snapping at the whining and crying over the crying. I forget to change diapers. I give up easily in the battle over vegetables. I want to scream when sleep and naps don’t take place. And sometimes I do scream.

 

"Striving for perfection
and mothering
just don’t mix."

I have never been more humbled than I am as a mother. Striving for perfection and mothering just don’t mix. As appealing as it seems to have it all together and react calmly to every hiccup I encounter, I’ve found I learn more from mistakes and seeking forgiveness. My New Year’s resolution for 2012? No more resolving. Instead, I choose to sit in the place God has placed me, and let Him shape me into the mom I could never be on my own.

  

Dear God, thank you for not expecting me to be the perfect mother. Show me how to step back from striving and let you transform me instead. Amen.

Volcanoes

Some of the most beautiful places on this earth are built upon the most destructive of events.

Kauai, Hawaii

Oia-Santorini, Greece

Giving Thanks

Giving thinks can be tough when your world is spinning like a hurricane. The wind is blowing up dirt in your face. The rain looks like a wall of wet. All you know is that when the eye of the storm comes, there will be a few hours of relief before you get more storm. In the back of your mind, you know this hurricane will only last for a time. The damage its doing will take some time to repair. While I walk through this time with tears running down my face and my hands raised in surrender, I will bless the Lord at all times and his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in you, O Lord...

I am thankful for:

1. God and his word's to live by.
2. My husband
3. The smile and laughter from my little guy.
4. My friend at work who is helping me see God in a new way.
5. A warm and dry place to live.
6. Clothes to wear.
7. Shoes on my feet
8. Food in my fridge and cabinets.
9. The future no matter what it looks like.
10. Hope.
11. Eyes that see. Ears that hear. A nose to smell. A mouth to taste, sing, and shout. Hands to touch.
12. A heart without any known issues.

What can separate us?

There is a chapter in Romans that talks about how nothing can separate us from the love of God. I've heard these verses thousands of times throughout my life. I would become annoyed when I would hear them. I thought of course there is one thing separates us from Christ's love. We can.

For years, I reasoned light and dark don't occupy the same space. When light is found, shadows are made by blocking the light. Bitter and sweet are not usually found together.  East and West are not the same direction. Up is not down.  Closed is not open. Right isn't left. Dogs aren't cats. These things are opposites as are sin and righteousness. Sin will separate us from Christ. I considered other verses I've learned and heard for most of my life to prove the division we can create between our maker and ourselves by having un-forgiven sin in one's life.

It took reading these verses myself to understand it was talking about TRUE unfathomable love. While sin divides us from Christ, it won't and can't detach us from His love. Our maker IS the true essence of love. You know the kind that looks past the storms in your life to see/speak peace. The kind of love that loves the sinner and NOT the sin they commit. This love makes big celebrations out of small victories. This kind of love doesn't sweat the small stuff and yet cares a great deal for the small stuff at the same time. This love is your cheerleader in hard times. Can you hear it? You can do it! You can do it! This too shall pass... You can do it! You can do it! This too shall pass... You can do it! You can do it! This too shall pass... You can do it! You can do it! This too shall pass... I think I shall join Paul in saying, "I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

Battle this.

This past week I went to my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. They had a lovely lady there to speak to us about blogging. I realized I hadn't been on here in a couple weeks. I feel like God has been using my job, the soon approaching anniversary of my baby cousin's death, and my busy-ness as a means to wear some rough edges off me. My mom told me once that God will put people in our lives to turn us into river stones. You know the kind of smooth stone you skip across the top of the water. The only way stones become smooth is through the process of unhurried erosion. The water in a river will move over the roughest of rocks to smooth away the cutting edges.

I suppose I have a few more than I thought. Why would anyone willingly submit to being such a difficult process? Honestly, I don't know. Admitting I'm less than I should be will never be easy. I'm called to be my best me. I'll leave perfection to our Creator.

Words can heal or they can take hold of you like a deadly poison. You can be wise. It's all in the learning of when to speak or not. It's always appropriate to be fully honest with the dude who knew you before your 10x Great Grandparents where born. Its important to have a running dialog with him. If you hurt, tell him about it. If you're angry, tell him why. If you feel insignificant, share it with your Maker. If you are insanely excited, talk to him. Can you imagine how big a smile God has? Think of the crazy things kids say to you. I'm sure the Savior's smile literally lights up a room when we come to him. There is a scripture in Romans that says the Lord prays for us. How cool is that? The Guy who knows the secrets of the ENTIRE universe and spoke the most infinitesimal molecule into reality, prays for me and you. He is the guy I want to be pulling for me while those rough spots are smoothed away. The great thing is the Lord has been praying for YOU since time began. Those pains you have. They are gone because God's promises aren't empty. That career you longed for is yours! That loved one who you are missing isn't really that far away. With God big things become very small matters. He shrinks time and the impossibilities in our minds to a couple words: "It is Finished!"

This is just a test...

This is a test. I've been getting some weird stats for my blog. I'm testing it out, so hello world!

Testing 1-2-3...

A year ago today...

Hey Little Buddy,
Today marks the anniversary of the half way point of your short life. I see other l toddlers with Downs running around  and wonder if you would be too. I really wanted to see your cake smash face on your first birthday. We are going to visit your "brudder" in four days. We miss you.
Your cousins,
Andy, Dana and Dylan

The two boys... (day 5)

The entire family arose early. They had to be to the next town by sunset. They had made camp for Nathan's birthday and coming of age ceremony two-thirds of the way there. Breakfast was eaten. The campsite was being packed and children were being gathered. Nathan was waiting for his sister, Michelle, to get his new riding clothes out of her luggage. Grandfather was becoming impatient. The sunlight would not wait. Nathan was to ride along side the wagon on his new horse. His old mare was tied to the back of their wagon. Father was pacing and calling to his brothers to hurry up. Nathan sat on his steed watching the scene with a grin on his face. He'd never seen so much chaos!

It was mid-morning before everything was put in its proper place and the campsite was back to its original state. They'd have to push the pace today if they were going to arrive on time. The Seer's invitations weren't something a person should take lightly. Nathan had heard rumors about him from their community's man of God. It was said he was well connected. Other people went to him to find out things. Nobody knew how the seer came by his information. Every word Nathan had heard was dripping with awe and deep respect.

When they stopped for a quick lunch mid-afternoon, the road was packed with all sorts of people. There must be some holiday Nathan didn't know about. His father was avoiding the family and hadn't said much since they'd broke camp. There was so much wonderment throughout the crowds starting to gather that nobody in the family seemed to notice his father's strange behavior. Nathan heard his Grandfather muttering. They'd never make it to the seer's house if the roads remained this congested. They'd just had to hurry as best as they could.

As the sun started to set, the family had just reached the town's main thoroughfare. They found lodgings quickly and got ready for the night's events. Father told the family where to go in case anyone got lost in the crowd. They'd have to take the horses to a barn near the Seer's place. When everyone was ready, the rushed into the streets toward their destination. The closer they got the more people there were. He saw his town's Governor conversing with some other important looking men. What was going on?!? Nathan had never seen so many people in one place, not even on National holidays. Father tapped Nathan's shoulder and pointed to a gentleman standing on a porch of a small building. The wide double door stood open. Painted above the doors in forest green paint read, "B-A-R-N, the place where your animals sleep." Nathan nodded. Father pushed his way through the crowd leading the horses.

They were only blocks from the seer's house. It was so noisy from the hum of so many voices. Nathan missed the ranch. This cacophony hurt his ears. The sun set. He heard the roar of the multitude ahead.

"SEER! SEER! SEER!" People around Nathan started looking around. His sister clung to him frightened. A hush came over the town. Even the dogs seemed quiet. A distant voice could be heard bouncing of the buildings. "I am Sam, the seer, since my youth I have settled disputes between all manners of people. I have kept my oaths and been fare to all in my dealings. If any of you feel otherwise, come to me and I will do my best to make things right." Nobody moved or said anything. Nathan hadn't ever heard of wrong done by this man.

"I have asked you all here tonight to talk to you. I have heard the complaining of those who'd have me removed from my position over all the people in the country. I never wanted to be your judge. You all and the Lord above asked this service of me, so I have done just that. I, however, am willing to answer the complaints in this way. We will elect a person from one of the 12 towns in the surrounding area. Whoever is chosen will help me out in service to you. Is this agreeable?

"YES!", the multitude responded. Nathan was starting to wonder where his father had gone. Sam started to speak again.

"Let the vote begin. Make way for the Governors of the 12 towns." There was a shuffle as the host allowed each governor through. "We will draw straws. Whoever pulls the longest one will have the various patriarchs from there town come forward. They will all draw straws. The Patriarch of each family will then have the men of their family come forward and do the the same. Whoever gets the longest straw will be your new Leader."

The two boys... (day 4)

The day arrived when Nathan and his family were to leave. Their supplies were all packed into their wagon. Mother had made sure they all had their best clothes. It wasn't very often the entire family went on such a long trip from home. The had a couple of ranch hands staying behind to tend to the animals. Father knew his mother and sisters didn't trust trains, so they were taking this journey the long way- riding, walking and camping outside under the stars for a couple days. Nathan loved the thought. His birthday would be spent on the trail with all the people he loved and who loved him back.

The next couple days went by mostly uneventfully. On Nathan's birthday, they'd made camp on the side of the road to celebrate. Grandfather, Father and him went hunting in the early morning to go fishing for the birthday meal. Nathan's favorite meal was fish roasted in the coals of the fire, rice, and beans. His mother always made this meal for his birthday. Just thinking about it made his mouth water. Tonight would be his rite of passage ceremony with all the men of the family. (Father had made sure of this by letting them all know where they were going to camp that night.) He would be considered a man in his community. His tutors had been working with him to be able to quote the different commandments and names of honorable men from scripture. He was so excited. The day progressed with lots of hugs, laughter and food as more family arrived. It seemed as though everyone had been invited to both his ceremony and the get together in the next town over. Nathan kept hearing whispers among his elders about the "seer" and  the "man-with-the connections".

When evening arrived and everyone had had their fill of the meal, Grandfather stood up to address everybody as the patriarch of the family. Nathan was bursting with excitement and nerves. He sincerely hoped he wouldn't mess up when it was his turn to speak.

"Family, we are here to celebrate my grandson's coming of age. He has proven himself a hard-worker, a good student, a trustworthy friend, and obedient son to his father and to me, his Grandfather. He has been faithful to the Lord's house since birth. We his family are ready to see this youngin' become a man. Nathan would come here, please." Nathan rose from his seat closest to the fire and shakily walked toward his grandfather. He looked over the small crowd. His father had his arm around his sniveling mother. Tears were welling up in his Father's eyes.

"Son, it is your 14th birthday. It wasn't that long ago when I held you for the first time. You've always been a child of strength and full of heart. Do you know what tonight means for your life?" Nathan nodded. "You will be considered a man by all who see you. I commission you to be a man of high moral character, honorable in all your dealings with young and old, and be kind to those around you. I, your Grandfather, wish you to remember who you are and whom you represent." Nathan looked around at the faces looking back at them. He would do what Grandfather asked of him. It'd be easy...

"I, Nathan, represent the I AM, my family, my community, and myself. I vow to honor and obey the wisdom of those who've gone before me like Adam, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Joshua, Noah and Ruth. I will do my best to keep the Lord's commands. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God he is one. No other gods, only me. No carved gods of any size, shape, or form of anything whatever, whether of things that fly or walk or swim. Don't bow down to them and don't serve them because I am God, your God, and I'm a most jealous God, punishing the children for any sins their parents pass on to them to the third, and yes, even to the fourth generation of those who hate me. But I'm unswervingly loyal to the thousands who love me and keep my commandments. No using the name of God, your God, in curses or silly banter; God won't put up with the irreverent use of his name. Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Work six days and do everything you need to do. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to God, your God. Don't do any work—not you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your servant, nor your maid, nor your animals, not even the foreign guest visiting in your town. For in six days God made Heaven, Earth, and sea, and everything in them; he rested on the seventh day. Therefore God blessed the Sabbath day; he set it apart as a holy day. Honor your father and mother so that you'll live a long time in the land that God, your God, is giving you. Do not murder. No adultery. No stealing. No lies about your neighbor. No lusting after your neighbor's house—or wife or servant or maid or ox or donkey. Don't set your heart on anything that is your neighbor's." 


Everyone stood at this point. Grandfather prayed over Nathan and poured oil over him. It dripped down his nose and off his ears. He was a man.  He felt the burden of it suddenly. When the prayers were over, a shout rose from those on the road side. "Nathan, Go and join those who have gone before you in manhood." His mother scurried to his side. He would have to change before he could greet his guests. The party would soon end for they all were to go meet the seer tomorrow.

The two boys... (day 3)

That night at dinner Ben told about his adventure. The family and the help sat around the table listening with rapt attention. His father and his man had tracked the animals through several towns. When they couldn't find them, the ranch hand had suggested seeing a man with connections about where the beasts could be. At this part of the story, Ben became antsy and reluctant to say much. He just summed up the story there by saying the man had heard about a large number of livestock being seen in town and had requested for Ben to stay with him for a time. Nathan's father couldn't refuse such a request from so well a connected individual. Ben had sent the ranch hand home to let everyone know he was alright. Ben had come home as soon as he could. The remaining asked questions went unanswered and soon the topic was changed to what had happened around the ranch while Ben was gone.

Almost month passed, things seemed to settled back to their pace. Chores were done. Food was purchase, made, and ate. Clothes were washed. The animals were fed. The mail came and went. Lessons were taught and learned. They continued to be members of their local congregation. Nathan's father remained to be unusually jumpy. The slightest sound would has his father looking over his shoulder. One day a letter came inviting the entire family to the nearest city by the gentleman his father had mentioned. Excitement permeated the house for the next couple days.