Truly mind-blowing...

There is a God. He is enough. I think we limit God by trying to define him as one, two, three or 8205479. He is infinite, so why try to box him up? He cares about us and is curious about how/when we will respond to Him. His promises are true and don't come back empty once He has made them. He wants us to live in HESED.

Hesed:
1. is unmerited compassion toward one another.
2. creates an “echo” effect of God's true nature toward us and our response back to him.
3. Hesed cannot stay stagnate. It requires action. Its so contagious. It has to grow in you. 
4. It cannot exist without community. This seed of all things good wants to be spread to others.
5. Hesed is something you do, not something you say.

This concept has me so excited. I feel like I'm buzzing. I start thinking of scripture. Hesed is God's character. Its tangible. AHHH! Words are not enough to get this across! It is totally cool and now I'm going to bed. Good night!

Changes...

Many of the people I know are not going to like this. I don't expect them to. Here it is: we are going to an Assemblies of God church. I need to spiritually heal, before I can be a help to anyone. I am working at searching scripture to reconcile things I see there with things I've been taught. It is better for me to go somewhere than no where. I know you feel strongly about what it is you believe. I respect you for it. Please pray blessings of wisdom, understanding and healing on us through this journey. I know God has this in his hands:

God has knows the names of these little guys.

Fairyfly is the smallest insect/animal in the world. It can fit through the head of a needle.

He also has us, so worry for nothing...

The roots run deep

Today I woke up thinking about everything that has happened over the last few weeks. I had made promises to go to the home missions church here in town. I really didn't want to go. My hubby had a side job to do today. I went. The people there were so happy to see us. We went to eat after church and the pastor picked up the tab for us all and we chatted as I was headed out the door. He told me he doesn't play with church politics. They didn't own me. He give me the choice to go somewhere else without hard feelings, if we weren't finding what we need here. What a relief!

Tonight I went out to my back yard. Its planting time here in Southwestern Michigan. I wanted to clean up the maple tree seed pods and loosen up the ground to plant some pretty flowers. I think I got more than I bargained for. I raked up most of the pods. As I was breaking up the dirt, I found these roots just under the surface. It occurred to me we are all connected like these roots. The more I dug I realized most of the root systems belonged to my neighbor's bush and a bush whose top had been chopped off.


I started to get a different sort of picture. Bitterness is like a bush with the top cut off. If not dealt with properly, roots continue to grow just under the surface. Dig that life sucking force from your heart, so good things in your life can grow. I want you to have the simple joy of watching beauty flower in all aspects of your existence! Happy gardening...

Changes

Some of the longest walks you will ever take are the ones in which you know change is on the other end. I've taken several of these in my 29 years: the walk to the alter to declare my faith, the walk into school my Senior year knowing my parents would most likely never sleep in the same room again, the walk at graduation, the walk to tell my mom I was moving to Michigan, the walk down the aisle toward my soon-to-be husband, the walk I took once the pregnancy test was positive, and the one when I climbed in the car with my newborn son. These and a few more I don't care to share were pivotal moments in my life.

Two Sundays ago, I made the journey into my pastor's office. I knew he wouldn't like what I had to say. I've attend this church for the past eight years. I've come to a crossroads. Do I put my big girl unders on and walk away from hurt, frustration, and change? Or do I stay and turn a blind eye to the things that didn't want to stop staring me in the face? I walked into his office resolved to make changes. After a few words, tears and apologies had been made, I walked out broken not wanting to talk to anyone.

Fast forward to Mother's day. I spent the day with my family feeling relieved not having to answer to anyone but God. It was a freeing to know I'm loved by my husband and son. I worked outside pulling out the weeds (both literal and emotional) and singing old hymns. I put mulch down to protect the good ground and felt good. I have a sick rose bush. I will nurse it back to health, as I work on my self. By being nature, I can see life in action through the words of the Savior from Matthew 13:

“A farmer went out to sow seed. ⁴ While he was scattering the seed, some of it fell by the road. The birds came and ate all that seed. ⁵ Other seed fell on rocky ground, where there was not enough dirt. It grew very fast there, because the soil was not deep. ⁶ But when the sun rose, it burned the plants. The plants died because they did not have deep roots. ⁷ Some other seed fell among thorny weeds. The weeds grew and stopped the good plants from growing. ⁸ But some of the seed fell on good ground. There it grew and made grain. Some plants made 100 times more grain, some 60 times more, and some 30 times more. ⁹ You people who hear me, listen!” 

I don't know what the future holds. I am just fine with that. One thing is for sure, life is way to short for you to allow people to treat you poorly no matter where that is. I make no promises to where my next church home will be, until then I will attend a home missions church here in town. I will talk to anyone I like about this situation because we are all sinners. Nobody is perfect. If God can use a donkey, I can hear him speak through anyone who makes themselves a vessel.

Pinterest and 2 candles

For you Pinterest people, you know what I'm about to say is beyond true. For those who don't know what Pinterest is, it is an online bulletin board where you can pin pictures of things you find attractive. Most people on Pinterest pin pictures of food, crafting items, dream house ideas, good quotes, clothing, etc. It is so addicting to my inner visual artist! I did find this on there the other day and thought to share it in honor of my son's second birthday today. It is perfect.

?

If you read my last blog post, you may be able to tell I'm rather hurt and angry at my current church situation. One minute I'm spitting bullets trying to fix the world. The next minute I am feeling guilty for not being the bigger person in private. The most overwhelming feeling I have is a numb dull ache toward all things God. I hear scripture or someone talk about the goodness of the Lord. I mentally go to to the door of my heart, shut the door, and lock up tight. Hurting sucks. I want to be free again, but only in a spiritually hospital. They can help bandage me up, give me the proper meds, and let me be on my way again. There are moments these days when the door is ajar. I attempt to let a little peace squeeze through to my heart.

As a Deer pants after water, so my soul longs after you.

This brought tears to my eyes tonight:

Trust His Heart
All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't
See how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just can't see him,
Remember He's still on the throne

Chorus:

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
Don't live as those who have no hope,
While our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
But he sees the first and last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
To someday be just like him

(Chorus)

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you

(Chorus)

When you can't trace his hand
When you don't see his plan
When you don't understand
Trust His Heart

Tiny Chairs and Aesop's Fables

Dylan at Cracker Barrel in June of 2011 sitting in a kid's rocking chair.

I was picking up my son's room this morning. I found a book of Aesop's fables I was given back in grade school sometime. I sat down on the edge of this kid's sized green rocking chair. I was taking back to the smell of my old classroom- recycled air, books and chalk. My little self had even see the wisdom back then. I saw I had written in my childish scrolling "Yes" or "No" for each fable which stood out to me. Twenty some odd years have past, since that time. I've move several times picking away and unpacking the wisdom found in this little book's pages.

Today sitting in that tiny chair, I wanted to amen Aesop. Church attendance and attempting to live a Christian way of life have been a Cornerstone for my life. I find myself  feeling a bit stuck and tired these days with some of the things I see happening in church congregations across the board. We have forgotten what it is to be the hands and feet of Christ. We have forgotten the widows and orphans. It is too often we turn a blind eye to the pain surrounding us in the local and international communities. We take up offerings and tithes for buildings we can't afford. We talk about growth while forgetting about prayer, friendship, and fellowship. Families are left in the wake of ministry and good ideas. Our children are forgotten while we are so busy with stuff. Children ARE to be the focus when they come into our lives. They aren't to be a nuisance. I don't always see the people who preach practicing the things they speak about. It is incredibly frustrating.

I talk to myself in this too because I am guilty. I am the church. I need to be the change I want to see with a good attitude. I get this. Attitude affects perception. While I am responsible for my actions, I'd like to see others be better too. I want to find the best in people. I'm been searching for a place to attend services in hopes I find things done better. While reading dear ol' Aesop, I came across this:

The Boy who Swam in the River

One warm spring day, a boy was walking along the bank of a river. The water looked so inviting he took his clothes off and dived in. The river current was very strong, and soon the boy was in danger of drowning. Just then a traveler came by. He saw the boy struggling and began to scold him for going swimming in the river so early in the season. 
"Oh, sir!" cried the boy, "pray help me now then scold me later. At a time like this, advice without action is useless."

I spoke to me strongly. I hoping for more from believers. I want believers who go back to the basics of Christianity. Lord, help me find it!

I Lift My Hands

The Robe
By Lloyd C. Douglas

The Casey Anthony case, the anniversary of my dear baby cousin, Samson's birth, and the predictably of the nightly bad news have gotten me down. Humans never learn! We beat our heads against a wall with the excuse we are just trying or we are just human. These excuses give us a reason not to step back from the wall we've banged our heads on to look at the million of other holes from previous generations. We could learn from them.

I recall one humble, blameless, not-so-stupid human who taught and lives the message. He lived in a time when it was popular to pit two men against each other for the mere sport of seeing someone die or bleed for the amusement of large betting crowds. This man lived in a time of massive debt and the taxing of the poor to pay the deficient back. The important men of the that time were corrupt and didn't care about the consequences of their actions. They would go to war for the expansion of their own power/influence. Materialism, sensualism, and self-gratification were advertised as the greatest desires of all humans. It was a time of great advances in technology. Trade between countries was

A birdie parable

Well folks, I'm having a hard time falling asleep thanks to good ol' daylight savings time. I hop this is to your benefit.

My older sister Karly, me and our younger sister,
Destiny at field day or something.

When I first started school, my family lived in a two bedroom town home about ten minutes from the elementary school. My mom had just had my little sister. She had her hands full taking care of my siblings and a in home daycare. Every morning my older sister and I would get ready for school to the sound of toddlers arriving at our house. My mom would feed us a quick breakfast. My older sister would place me on her handle bars and ride her bike to school. It was so much fun for me. The wind in my hair I'd watch the houses and a soccer field speed past. (I'm not so sure my older sister, Karly, felt the same way.) One day the neighbor boy was walking through the soccer field. He heard some thing above him. He looked up and SPLAT! Some seagull poo landed on his forehead. Whenever I see a seagull now, I think of our poor neighbor cleaning poo off his face.


“A farmer went out to sow seed. ⁴ While he was scattering the seed, some of it fell by the road. The birds came and ate all that seed. ⁵Other seed fell on rocky ground, where there was not enough dirt. It grew very fast there, because the soil was not deep. ⁶ But when the sun rose, it burned the plants. The plants died because they did not have deep roots. ⁷ Some other seed fell among thorny weeds. The weeds grew and stopped the good plants from growing. ⁸ But some of the seed fell on good ground. There it grew and made grain. Some plants made 100 times more grain, some 60 times more, and some 30 times more. ⁹ You people who hear me, listen!” 


On Sunday, our pastor preached about the parable of the sower from Matthew 13 (For the rest of the story...). He was discussing the importance of having our hearts prepared for the Lord and how each seed the sower planted had great potential. While his teaching is/was valid, I find this passage of scripture slightly comical. I've heard so many preachers put the different types of soil in a negative tone. I sat there thinking about our neighbor boy and my teacher later that day talking about how seeds are spread. Seeds come in various forms. Some fly before they find a resting place to germinate. Other seeds fall from trees, using their rotting casings to protect them, until they find a safe place to grow. (This is how wild orchards are made.) Sometime birds will eat the seeds. The birds will expel them. The seed will (if it doesn't land on your car or the neighbor boy's face) use the poo as fertilizer to grow.


The entire parable is a testament to the mercy of the Lord. We are all seeds with grand potential. We all come to grow in Christ different ways. Sometimes we need to experience being eaten by the birdies to realize for ourselves we are more than poo. You notice in the allegory above the bird seed didn't "burn up" or "get choked out"? I'd like to think bird fodder became a vineyard or an orchard. The seed was given time to understand it's possibilities with the Lord's help. If you feel you are in a bird's belly and are about to feel like poo, God still see the potency in you.

I resolve...

I received this in my email today. While I don't get the greatest grades (I do try), I can say I get this concept.

My New Year’s Resolution

By Heidi Rogers, mom of two

I am what most people would classify as a perfectionist. Type A. A goody-goody. You know, good grades, hard worker, natural-born leader…all that jazz. When it comes to life, I’ve done things “right.” I set my goals and I accomplish them.
But when it comes to mothering, all that flies out the window. I want to be patient during tantrums in the middle of aisle 12 and during colic at 3 a.m., but I find myself feeling guilty for snapping at the whining and crying over the crying. I forget to change diapers. I give up easily in the battle over vegetables. I want to scream when sleep and naps don’t take place. And sometimes I do scream.

 

"Striving for perfection
and mothering
just don’t mix."

I have never been more humbled than I am as a mother. Striving for perfection and mothering just don’t mix. As appealing as it seems to have it all together and react calmly to every hiccup I encounter, I’ve found I learn more from mistakes and seeking forgiveness. My New Year’s resolution for 2012? No more resolving. Instead, I choose to sit in the place God has placed me, and let Him shape me into the mom I could never be on my own.

  

Dear God, thank you for not expecting me to be the perfect mother. Show me how to step back from striving and let you transform me instead. Amen.